De-escalation skills can take the steam out of any conflict

Using the “Too Hot” technique is essential for your toolkit of workplace skills

De-escalation is a structured approach designed to “Recognise, Respond and Reduce” potentially volatile or aggressive behaviour. It's fundamentally about communication, active listening and adopting a calm demeanour to lower emotional intensity.

While this training is increasingly recognised across various industries, including healthcare and law enforcement, research suggests it remains an underused resource in real estate.

You use a de-escalation process to:

• Prevent issues before they escalate: By understanding the origins of a dispute and addressing them, you minimise conflict. Early identification of signs of agitation or aggression is key.

• Handle high-stress situations: You frequently interact with individuals who are vulnerable in certain situations, such as those facing financial hardship or dealing with maintenance emergencies, which can heighten emotions. De-escalation provides tools to navigate these conversations, ensuring safety and preserving relationships.

• Improve tenant relations: A de-escalation process helps you communicate in ways that make tenants feel heard and respected, even when delivering unfavourable news. This approach builds trust and can reduce tenant turnover.

• Mediate disputes effectively: You can mediate issues like noise complaints, pet disputes or disagreements over repairs, steering conversations towards practical, mutually acceptable outcomes.

• Manage your own stress: Conflict resolution can be stressful, and de-escalation techniques can help you maintain a clear mind by focusing on facts and practising mindfulness, thereby handling disputes more efficiently.

• Reduce burnout and improve mental health: The industry knows dealing with upset or abusive clients contributes significantly to your stress levels. De-escalation training, combined with mental health awareness and resources like the Real Care app, offers crucial support.

Here is a de-escalation process broken into three stages:

1. Recognise

The first step is to identify early signs of conflict. You can observe these through verbal cues, such as raised voices, aggressive language or curt responses; and non-verbal cues like crossed arms, tightening of fists or avoidance of eye contact.

The "Too Hot" technique is a helpful tool to identify escalating conversations. Look for these factors:

• Tone of voice changes

• Oppositional statements

• One-sided solutions

• Higher levels of emotion

• Open blaming

• Talking faster and louder

You must be attuned to these signals to proactively address issues before they escalate.

2. Respond

Once conflicts are recognised, you need to respond thoughtfully. This stage involves several key techniques:

• Active Listening: This technique allows parties to express grievances fully without interruption, which demonstrates respect and understanding. It includes paraphrasing what you've heard to ensure understanding. A suitable phrase might be, "So you're saying the heater hasn't worked for a week?"

• Empathy: Acknowledge feelings with statements like, "I understand this situation is frustrating for you", or "I can understand why you're upset". These help defuse tension and validate feelings. Capturing the emotion can be done with phrases like, "I appreciate this has been frustrating."

• Calm Demeanour: Maintaining a steady tone and open body language is crucial to soothe heightened emotions. Avoid personal comments or attacks and focus on the issue at hand, not the person. Phrases like "Let's look at how we can solve this together", or "Let's discuss a mutually satisfactory way to address this", should pivot the conversation.

3. Resolve

The final stage focuses on finding a solution that addresses the concerns of all parties involved. This includes:

• Setting expectations: Outline the steps that will be taken and any required actions by the tenant or owner. Setting clear expectations upfront, for instance, on common conflict areas like repairs or rent arrears, can prevent misunderstandings from escalating.

• Collaborative problem-solving: Work together to identify acceptable solutions, such as scheduling prompt repairs or mediating neighbour disputes. The process involves brainstorming solutions that address shared interests and aim for a mutually satisfactory agreement.

• Documenting efforts and outcomes: Keep detailed records in an issues log to track concerns, including whether an issue escalated or if de-escalation steps were successful. This ensures accountability and transparency. All agreements should be formalised in writing and signed by all parties, detailing the date, names, resolution summary, terms, confidentiality and follow-up plan.

• Follow-up: Check back after implementing the solution to ensure the issue has been satisfactorily resolved and that no further concerns remain.

De-escalation is about respecting people’s emotions, choosing not to mirror aggression and understanding the triggers behind difficult behaviour. While you do not need to be anyone’s therapist, you should recognise when someone may be in crisis and respond appropriately.

Training for interpersonal skills, including conflict management and resilience, is desirable.

Unfortunately, many PMs struggle with burnout because they must deal with upset or abusive clients. Training and the assistance of the Real Care app can help you manage your stress responses. 

By embracing de-escalation, you're not just enhancing your professional toolkit, you're actively investing in your own well-being and building a more harmonious environment for everyone.