Feeling stuck? Ever wonder why some people thrive while others struggle?
The answer might surprise you: it's not about luck or circumstance, it's all about mindset. The way we think has a direct impact on the quality of our relationships, our ability to perform and the level of success we can achieve in life.
In this Rise Wellness Webinar, join coach and trainer Caroline Bolderston on a journey of self-discovery. We will develop a greater understanding of the thinking patterns that play out every day and discover strategies to remove limitations. We'll unveil the unconscious thought patterns that might be holding you back, giving you the tools for a powerful mindset makeover.
In this webinar, you’ll learn how to:
Abolish Assumptive thinking
Challenge your Belief Structure
Master Expectations
Caroline is an award-winning sales agent and coach with over 20 years experience in the Real Estate industry. After ten years as a high performing sales agent, Caroline has taken her expertise, experience and passion for real estate, to now focus on growing and developing others to achieve personal success.
Kylie Davis: I'm really excited to introduce our speaker for today. It is the wonderful Caroline Balderston, and we're looking at the 3 truths in life that hold us back. Now, Caroline is a real estate mentor, coach, and public speaker. She's an experienced real estate performance coach with a demonstrated history of working with business leaders and sales teams. She’s skilled and awarded real estate sales. Individuals. Caroline has dedicated the past 9 years to developing sales, performance and business efficiency within the real estate industry, and she is a proud Rise Ambassador and influencer. So, Carol, I'm going to hand it over to you. But thank you so much for hosting this webinar with us, and I'm going to hand over and jump off screen.
Caroline Bolderston: Wonderful, beautiful. Thank you, Kylie. Thank you so much. Hello, everybody welcome. It's great to have you all joining me today. As Kylie mentioned, I'm Caroline Balderston, and I'm really delighted to be part of the Rise Wellness Webinar series.
And today to spend some time with you guys so I can share with you some powerful insights. And we're going to be looking at the 3 truths that are present for each of us every single day and the limitations that come along with that. And my aim for today is for you to really develop a much greater understanding of the 3 thinking patterns that could be playing out for you all the time on repeat. And we're going to be looking at some strategies as well, so that you can overcome these thinking patterns and you'll have the tools to actually deliver and develop a really powerful mindset.
So I know the chat's disabled but we can use the Q&A. And what I'd love to do is just get a little understanding from each of you. So I'm going to ask you a couple of questions here, so I can take a little bit of a read on where you're at with this. So jump into the Q&A for me, and just give me your thoughts.
First question. Who amongst you has ever experienced procrastination?
That's a big one, right procrastination around either doing a certain activity or a task. Jump into the Q&A. Just give me a yes or no, if that's happened to you, and I'm just going to pull my Q&A up a little bit high here, so I can see it.
Okay? Beautiful. Kylie? Yes. I'm sure you're not alone, Kylie. Dive in and let me know. Team, have you experienced procrastination? Is that something that shows up for you? Dive into the Q&A. So I can have a little look at where you're all at with this. Now, some of you may not have the ability to type. I understand that. So whoever can help me out. I want to have an open conversation with you guys today as much as we can. So procrastination is one thing.
I'm also curious to know if you've ever had a time where you thought you understood what somebody was thinking when, in fact, it turned out that they were thinking something completely different. Have you ever experienced that where you had a deep belief or thought around what someone was actually thinking in a certain situation, be it business, be it in life, when, in fact it turns out they were thinking something completely different. Has that ever happened to you? Jump to the Q&A for me.
I can see I've got a few yeses coming up here. Thank you. Bri. Jelly. Yes, yes, Samantha, we've got lots of yeses. Okay, this is good. We're not alone in this team, and I certainly reply yes to all of these.
So the 3rd thing I'm wondering is, I guess, if you have ever recognized in yourself that you've got the skills you desire and the skills you need and the talent that is required to be successful in real estate. And look. I don't know how many of you are in sales, or if you are in different roles. My background is sales. So, I'm curious to know if you have recognized that you've got the skills, you've got the talent in whatever your role is. Yet something keeps blocking or interrupting or holding back the results you get at the end of a given year.
Have you experienced that where you have the recognition that you've got skills, the talents there. For some reason your results are being blocked. Who has recognized that?
Okay, few of you, Kylie, again. Thank you. I've got a couple of anonymous attendees, so I'm not sure who you are. But thank you for sharing that, anonymous attendee.
So here's the thing over my 12 years of coaching agents. Individual agents, coaching teams, business owners, and I've got to update my bio clearly, because it says 9 years. So thanks for that, Kylie, I'll get that sorted. What's happened is, I've become very clear that there are 3 distinguishing elements that I know are required for somebody to achieve a high level of performance.
Now, if there were 3 key elements here, just 3, that when all 3 are present it's possible to perform. Well, what do you think those 3 key elements could be? I'm curious to know what comes to mind when we talk about this. So again, please jump into the Q&A, and let me know. What do you think those 3 elements could be? And whilst you're doing that, I'm actually going to go ahead and share my screen, so we can start to take a look at some of these. Some of these bits of information here. So let me just share these 3 elements we're looking at. There's my little pie chart.
So what are the 3 elements, team? We have got the chat working, too. Now, just. Oh, good! Thank you everyone. So. I shouldn't. Either going to check. To chat. Yeah, let's switch over to the chat. So I'll just close that down and let me open up my chat instead. That's terrific. Okay, beautiful team. Dive into the chat for me. There are 3 elements that I have complete clarity around that must be present in order for someone to perform well, to be successful, it could be anything. What do you think these 3 elements are? Dive into the chat so I can start to see what you're thinking here, team. So I'm not getting any in the chat, Kylie, could you? Just oh, I can see you put a message in there so the chat should be working. Any thought team on what you think these 3 elements of performance could be. Wonder what they are, the 3 common elements that are necessary. Any ideas?
Thank you, Sarah. Beautiful, confidence! There is their confidence. Love that. What else we got here? Comfort. Jen. Excellent! I love where we're going with this. This is really cool, competence. All the C's. What's happening with the C's. That's because my name's Caroline. I don't know. I've got a C thing going on today. So confidence, comfort, competence. Yeah, these attributes are absolutely vital. Knowledge. Thank you. Not sure who that came from. But I love that.
So all of these are correct. Of course. When I boil it all down, there are 3 major chunks here that are really really important for high performance to be present, and I'll share with you what I've known and grown to understand.
So the 1st one, why is that not working? Give me this. There we go a “Skill”. So that's the knowledge, the competence, beautiful. The skills are very, very important for any kind of performance to happen. The ability, the capability.
Then, of course, second thing, that's really key is “Energy” because you can have great skills if you don't take care of your energy levels. How are you showing up. I mean, what's present when you're showing up? What's the energy like? What energy are you giving? Because what you give you usually receive back. So energy, I found is really, really vital, and I'll just check if anyone can maybe guess the 3rd one. Courage. I love that that's beautiful. Yes, the courage is a little bit a part of this next 3rd element. This is great where we're going here.
The 3rd key element and you'll go, of course is. Oh, I keep clicking on the wrong. There we go, “Mindset”. Now, mindset is incredibly powerful, and what is fascinating to me is that when I get inquiries from agents, business owners wanting to get coach to book in some training. When I start to ask them what it is that they're looking for. The fact is that 90% of the clients that come to me say they need to sharpen their skills. Right? They go. All I need to be. Mostly I've just got to skill up. I've got to level up.
Have you heard those terms skill up and level up? I hear that all the time. Yeah. Once I dive into the individual's situation or the business situation, or I kind of unpick what's going on for the business owner? What I start to discover when I look at the situation and their performance patterns is that the skills are there like I mentioned earlier. But the breakthroughs actually come from spending time. 75% of my time coaching now is on mindset and that's been a really big shift for me because I came from a 10-year sales career.
So when I 1st started coaching, it was very much practical real estate coaching. Yet I now know, and after my time studying human behaviour and coaching skills, I now understand that 75% of the breakthroughs comes from spending time on developing a powerful mindset and think about it. Your mind and the way you think has absolutely the most monumental impact on your experience of life, on the results you're getting on how you're making your way through.
So really, team, understanding this, the time wouldn't be any better like. Now is the moment to gain a deeper understanding of how our thinking patterns play out, and what are they, because without a breakthrough in how you think then it can make you start to feel that you'll never get there.
I don't know if anyone has felt that I know in my 1st couple of years of selling I thought that I thought, Oh, my God! I don't think I can ever make this and what that means is that potentially you can have year on year with similar results. And you have an experience of life and business that is limited. And it could be so much better.
And so I'm wondering, you know, I always look at this. What if there's a way to create impactful change with this, where you experience more fun, you are more connected. You enjoy what you're doing more, you achieve incredible growth, you get superior outcomes and results. Imagine a world like that.
And can I ask you and jump into the chat? Who is here today because that's what you want. You want a life, a business, a career with more fun, more enjoyment, connecting more deeply with what you do, and having superior outcomes and results, let me know. Are you here for that today. Because if you're not gonna have to think about what I'm going to talk to you about. But I'm just curious to know who is here. Okay, Totes. I love the Totes I love. Yes, and Sarah absolutely.
Now this all starts with acknowledging the most important piece here, and the most important part of this is, of course, the 3 truths. Now, I don't know if you've heard this concept of the 3 truths but I'm going to share with you a little personal story, because I'll never forget. This was probably back in 2,006, 2,007. I was kind of halfway through my selling career and I live in Manly. Just so, you know. So hello from, I saw that we've got a few people from around different places. But I'm in Manly. I'm in Sydney Northern Beaches. And I'll never forget that I was. I was walking down the hall. So it was in January, and you know when you come back those of you who are sales agents. You come back from your Christmas break. You've got a pipeline. You're excited because you're like, yeah, I've got all these people in my pipeline, and they'll all be signing in January, and I'll launch and have fantastic Feb, you know, March auction period. And I was in that mindset because I'd had some great conversations with my pipeline before I went to the break.
So here I am. One day in January, walking down the Corso in Manly, so some of you might have visited and know. You know. Picture what I'm talking about. And I saw across the Corso. There's a big news agency in Manly on the Corso, called Humphrey's, and I saw across because I was walking towards the beach. They were walking back towards the wharf, and I saw one of my prospective clients and he was. He was on the other side, and he gave me a verbal in December. It's 1 of my immediate pipelines and I saw him, and as well I'm like I caught his eye, and I kind of waved to go home. His name was Dan. I'm like. I guess what happened. He just blanked me completely and turn and walked into Humphries. The news agency. I was like, Oh, okay. Wow! And in that moment I found myself living in one of the 3 truths.
Now, I'm curious to know, any ideas on what the 3 truths would be? Some of you. I don't know if you've heard of this before, if you have good to jog your memory on this. But what do you think the 3 truths are that are present for all of us? What could that be? Jump into the chat for me because I absolutely went into one of these 3 truths. In that moment you might be picking up the theme here of what I'm talking about. What do you think these 3 truths could be team? Think if there are 3 truths, what are they?
Might be drawing some blanks here on this. I'm not sure. Maybe this is new, a new thinking for you. Thank you, Kylie. So. Yes, beautiful. So, Kylie, in the chat, as you can see the truth that Kylie started. You know, being in was thinking, did I do something wrong? And yes. You're on the right track here, Kylie, because there are 3 truths that play out all the time, and we have choice as to which truth we're going to live in. I'll repeat that back we have choice. This is this is taking control back. This is knowing we are in control of where we land in life. We have a choice of the 3 truths and beautiful. The world doesn't resolve, revolve around me. Love that. And Sarah self doubt. Oh, yeah, all these. So these are all emotions and thoughts that are coming up.
So the 3 truths quite simply are these. The 1st truth is the “imagined truth”, where we imagine. Just like we've got here in the chat that we've done something wrong. I'll use your example, Kylie. Thank you for that. The imagined truth of I've done something wrong. The imagined truth.
The second truth, any idea what the second one could be now that you know what the 1st is. I'd love to see if I can get your you know your neural pathways firing up here, because this is when messages really land. And this is where you'll hopefully have some Aha! Moments. So what would the second truth be if we've got the imagined truth, what could the second or 3rd be? Jump in? Have a stab? Be bold. It's all about being bold. I was about to point to my being bold wall pattern. But of course I've got my flip chart here today.
Okay, Sarah thought on. Well done. Everyone round of applause to Sarah Brilliant. The “perceived truth” or the apparent same thing. The perceived truth, the apparent truth.
And then, of course, what is the 3rd one we've got. Imagine the apparent or perceived. Thank you, Sarah. You're on with this. Now we actually have the “actual truth”.
Now, this is an important understanding for us to have right here at the beginning of our session, so that as we start to uncover the 3 thinking patterns. Now, you can see how they play out, and how these, the 3 proofs here are something that you can totally start to control for yourself.
Because, yeah, I'll tell you how I felt. I walked off from Dan, jumping into Humphrey. Going? Oh, my God! He has jugged. Totally ignored me. What does that mean? I start to ask myself, what does that mean? As humans? We are nothing but meaning making machines. Make no mistake about that. That's what we do. All day, every day. We try and attach a meaning to something. So of course, I walk off thinking, oh, my God! He must have found me someone else. That's where I went to, in my imagined truth. He must have signed with someone else. Me thinking I've lost the business. He gave me the verbal in December. Something's changed. I went in this spiral of imaginary thinking which didn't play out at all.
What do you think the situation? The actual situation was? Because here's the thing, I go into imagined truth, and creating all these scenarios without any evidence. Really, the apparent truth or the perceived truth was that he saw me and chose not to wave and go in, or the apparent truth. The perceived truth was, he was walking along kind of looking in my direction, and then went into Humphrey’s News Agency. That's the apparent truth. The actual truth was that he didn't even see me.
And I know this because roll on for like a week later and we're going to talk about our assumptive thinking and what happens in our beliefs and what happened to me in this moment. And Dan actually reached out on an SMS. I'll recall. And he said, Hey, Caroline, we're back from holidays, all settled in. When can you come around? We're keen to get this started.
What do you think I felt in that moment? And what do you think I might have experienced that entire week? Like what emotions did I put myself through all of those thoughts I had which were totally imagined only to get that response from him. Yeah, deep anxiety, Kylie, absolutely, deep anxiety. And I'm going to let you know something. I carried that feeling into me with my other I had about. I had about 7 that I thought I was signing in January. So the other 6, all of a sudden I start getting really anxious about. I start thinking, oh, my God! What if I lose that one. What if I lose that one? I mean, I hadn't even lost this one at this point.
So, good news is I signed up Dan and I. I built up the courage because I needed to learn a lesson here, and I said to Dan, Hey, Dan, I'm serious. I was walking down the course on whatever day it was, and I think it was you. I thought I saw you got a hundred, and I waved. It wasn't sure was that you did you see me. What do you think he said? What did Dan say to me? He pulled a face and he goes. No, I don't think so. So now I'm questioning, was it even, Dan? Maybe it wasn't even Dad. I'm pretty sure it was, but he just didn't see me. That was the actual truth. He just didn't see me.
So we're going to dive into now the 3 thinking patterns. And I'm going to give you some strategies and some tools here, so that we we can start to really break through these limitations before we do, though I'm just. I'm keen to know. And please talk to me here. What is it that has come up for you now that we've covered this talking about the 3 truths? What what were you experiencing then what thoughts were you having as we talk through this particular model? What came up from you? What are you noticing? What are you observing about yourself? What came up for you from this before we move on.
I'll just give the chat a minute, because I know there's often a bit of a delay. How did you feel about that? What did you notice? What are you aware of? Beautiful? Thank you. Thank you team for diving, and this is great, so don't listen to the noise in your own head.
Yeah, overthinking is so damaging. Yes, and here's the thing. It's almost not even overthinking it. It's over creating like creating ideas, creating situations that are just, not real. The less embrace the 3 truths. Let's take from this the power that we actually have, which is, we can choose. Are we going to live in the imagined, the apparent or the actual truth? And how do we do that?
So let's take a little look at the 3 different thinking patterns that are happening and possibly playing out for each of you, all of them, one of them, some of them. Our thinking patterns that we're going to address today is number one, the assumptive thinking. Number 2, the belief structures that we run and number 3, the expectation game and how that's playing a role as well.
So let's take a little look at the 1st thinking pattern, assumptive thinking. I mean, what is an assumption. What is it when we assume? Because I hear it all the time, I hear all the time? Oh, I just assumed that they would.
So what is an assumption? My definition of this is to kind of to believe that you know what someone is thinking or feeling or it's an acceptance that something is true, you know, without any evidence. Really, that's really what assumptive thinking comes down to.
And I'm curious to know about this for those of you, and I'm not sure how many are in sales here, Sarah, wait to see the reality. Don't get caught up. Yes, beautiful, beautiful and thinking you're right without seeing the bigger picture or something. Yes, beautiful. You're on fire, Sarah. Thank you.
So like, think about this, you know, and I'll pick up my mobile phone. You know, when you're texting someone. I mean, there's something that plays out here. And I know that like, let's say you're in sales, and you're waiting on maybe an increased offer from a buyer, and they said that they'd message you and let you know, you know, if they're going to increase, or what what's happening. And let's say right, you know, when you SMS and let's say they didn't message you by the time you thought they would, you assume they would. And then you send a little reminder, hey? You know, buyer? Just curious to know. How. How are we getting along? You know you're ready to take the next step, or ready to, you know. Increase your offer, make purchase. And as you type it, you know, you know, when you see those 3 dots.
Now, the 3 little dots that come up on SMS, and that means from everything. I know that somebody is reading the message or typing one of the 2. And then what happens is that you're waiting. You're excited. You're oh, good! They've got my message. What's happening? We're going to increase their offer. Am I making a sale? And then all of a sudden, those 3 dots disappear and when it disappear like that, we start to make assumptions meaning, we are moving into the realm of the imaginary truth. The imagined truth. So we start making assumptions. Oh, my God, okay. So I assume that they got a message. I assume they were. And all of a sudden, what you think is the reality now impacts what you do next.
That that's the truth of the matter. So, Sarah, thinking you're wrong, that seems to be. Picture. Yep, beautiful to shoot my house out of your me. I'll never forget that one, Kylie. I can't remember who taught me that. But so true. So here's the thing with assumptive thinking, and I love this quote. This quote is really really one of my absolute favorites. Whoops sorry from Albert Einstein. Of all people that I love which is, assumptions are made, and most assumptions are wrong.
So next time you hear yourself assuming something, I want you to remember this, webinar because assumptions sometimes we make assumptions because we feel like assumptions are our friends. Other times when we make assumptions, it's definitely not our friend. And that's our foe. So really start to understand is assumptive thinking friend or foe. Because we spoke about procrastination earlier, and why we procrastinate and we hesitate.
Procrastination is hesitating, postponing, delaying, avoiding something that we know we should do. And we do it generally because we go into protection mode or trying to avoid. I think avoidance is the biggest strategy here, avoid feeling a certain way or hearing a certain outcome. We're trying to protect ourselves from that.
So what's most important is for us to really look at assumptive thinking, and one of the strategies for this is to know that things change especially in real estate.
You can have somebody saying they get, you know, increasing their offer. But something could have changed overnight. You might have a pipeline of business, but things change, or somebody might say to you, Oh, yeah, no, you know we're never selling, whatever it might be, but things change.
So one of the best ways for you to overcome your procrastination or avoidance. And typically, I'll assign this to our prospecting activities. You know the calls we know we need to make the people we need, we should be following up. We run an avoidance strategy sometimes because we assume that they don't want to hear from us at the moment, or we assume that nothing has changed, and therefore it prevents us taking actions.
So here's 3 steps really, to avoid assumptive thinking. Number one, always test your thinking. Test it. And the best way to test your thinking is by asking yourself a really simple question, which is, Do I know this to be true and accurate.
Now take the 3 dots, situation, or even my example with Dan on the Corso. I made the choice to fight, to seek the truth to seek the actual truth, which is what this is about. Do I know this to be true and accurate? And this goes for life in general, it's not just real estate, you know. This happens with friends where you see they've read your message, but they haven't replied. And so all of a sudden, we start going. Oh, okay, we're going to imagine truth. We start assuming that we know what that means and we are often wrong as Albert Einstein so correctly points out.
So ask yourself this question, do I know this to be true and accurate? If your answer is no to that, and mostly, it will be no. Then you need to take the next steps to understand. And so the next thing is being really curious to know more, to find out more, to uncover what's really going on. So being bold enough to be able to ask those questions, and I was with Dan as an example, or if it was the example of the SMS and the 3 dots, you know. If you didn't get the response, you know, within an hour or 2. Be brave enough to be curious to go. Hey? I saw that I sent the message through to you. Just want to see that you got that? Would you prefer to talk on the phone? Be curious to find out actually what’s going on before we draw any conclusions. So test your thinking first, then, be curious to know more.
Then the 3rd piece of this which I love is avoiding or resisting the Absolutes. Now, what's an absolute Caroline? Well. What I mean is when we draw finite conclusions about things where we get absolute fists about things. And this is where things change comes in. And honestly, they're one of my 2 favorite words in real estate, so that we don't assume anything. We have a belief that things can change meaning. We are resisting the absolutes.
So those of you in sales, have you ever had a client? Say, there's no way we'd ever buy a house in? For example, one comes to memory for me in a lambie which is on the northern beaches. We only want Fairlight or Balgala and then I find out they end up buying in a lambie.
So these absolutes apply the things, change to it, and help yourself to resist the absolutes. And what I mean by this is, I have a client of mine, Max, and one day I was sitting. I got in front of his Crm. On his desk one day because I was just curious about. He's like I've got no one to call, and he's been in failed for years, so we've got a very deep database. But no, no, I've called everybody. I know what everyone's doing. I'm like, Wow, that's a quite a feat.
Anyway, I start going through his contacts. And so I'm looking at the note, and I kept saying this thing, NDA. Next one NDA, a few more down the track, NDA, and like, what on earth is NDA. I don't know if you guys know what that means. I don't know if you guys use that NDA abbreviation.
But this is a perfect example of Mac not resisting the absolute, he accepted the absolute and applied them because NDA meant not doing anything.
Now here's the situation, when we are thinking in absolutes. Then what that does is that prevents us from taking actions? And that's going to bring us to our thinking pattern number 2 here, which is our belief structures.
Now, our belief are so incredibly powerful. And guess what this is, the bit I love about it. We have absolute control around what we choose to believe. Think about that. Beliefs are out there, and there are different types of beliefs. But we have ultimate choice over what we choose to believe and not believe. And this is where the power comes in for you with the 3 truths.
So I'm wondering if anybody's come across the model of the hierarchy of outcomes. I've seen a call different things. And I learned this but years ago, and I was selling myself. And it's a reminder for me to share this with everyone that I come across, because it was profoundly impactful for me at my time of my career. When I learned this, so the hierarchy of outcomes looks a little bit like this.
Basically, life is nothing. I know this is a grand statement, but life is nothing but a collection or a series of experience. That's what life is. We just experienced. That makes sense team. We just experience. That's truly what life is.
Now, our experiences drive. I believe we experience something. Then remember, I said earlier, we are meeting making machines. Well, when we experience something, we often attach a meaning to that experience and then a belief is built around that, a belief.
Now, what is really compelling to me is that our belief drive the next layer to this. Can you have a guess at what the next level up is we experiencing? We try and attach a meaning. We form a belief. Once we believe things to be true, or a certain way that then drives what? Any thoughts on that team?
Let me just see who's here in the chat. What do you think our beliefs, then drive that. What comes next? Thinking about seeing the big picture? That was an older one. Any idea because it's a big one. The thing I really noticed with all my coaching. Thank you Kylie.
Yeah, you're dead right? Our beliefs drive our reality. And there we go function. Our beliefs drive our actions. It's absolutely the one thing that you can rely upon here without any uncertainty is that whatever you believe that is going to filter your view, your perspective on what action you take as an example. And I know I keep going back to it. But my experience with Dan on the Corso. A week later he contacted me. I didn't contact him. And I look back on this and go. Wow! This is this whole thinking pattern playing out because I wanted to avoid that. Like I attached a menu to it. I felt a certain way about it, therefore I didn't take the next steps to reach out to him.
And this is what's really interesting, because we've got also got Dan and Dan has his beliefs. Now let's put the shoe on the other foot by me, not then reaching out to Dan, say, Hey, Dan, you back from holidays like I should have like. Our discussion was in December, where you know no worries. I'll be in touch as soon as you back from holidays. We'll be able to get moving for you. Basically I didn't follow up. I didn't do my usual follow up because of my belief around what happened. So my actions were limited. In fact, I took no action
Now, shoe on the other foot, as I mentioned. I wonder how Dan would have felt. Let's say Dan didn't call me when he did. And let's say, maybe 2 weeks goes by and I'm not reaching out to him. Now, there's an experience that David's having and I wonder what meaning Dan might have put to that. I wonder what meaning would have driven a belief for him. It could have been something like, I mean. I'll just guess a few possibilities here. It could have been. Oh, that's weird! I you know I haven't heard from Caroline. Huh? Well, she promised, she called me soon. She's back, so is she back, or maybe she's not interested in our business. Oh, maybe she doesn't want to work with us anymore. I mean, can you see how this it goes? Both ways.
So by us, not taking action. And this, this goes down to the avoidance and procrastination piece. Again, when we assume to know things or when we have a belief going on then, and we don't take action like, what's the other party thinking is my question here. What meanings are they attaching? What imagined truth are they living in? Because we don't take those next steps?
And so I know. Sometimes you think oh, I won't call. I won't call that potential vendor. You know that, they said. They'll call me when they're ready, or whatever the conversation might have been, and so we don't take the action. Who knows what they're experiencing. They're going so weird, you know. Caroline was, you know, following up, and she just disappeared off like the earth, like they could be thinking anything.
So our experience forming our beliefs are beliefs forming our actions. The correlation here is monumental when it comes to. Of course, the final piece in this puzzle is our results. You can see how it all comes from one particular choice point. We have right here at the bottom, the option we have here when I mentioned control before, how we can control our thinking. It's this, it's the moment between the experience and the belief. That's when you are trying to put things into perspective. And you're attaching that meaning as I mentioned. That is your moment of your choice point. So embrace that.
And just because you experience something doesn't mean it's that way for everybody, either. That's something worth considering. Because my question is this. You like, what is your understanding of what comes first, please jump through the chat. Let me know what you think, what comes first, feelings, what comes first.st Take a little sip of water while I give you time to type feelings or thoughts.
Thanks, Sarah, feeling. Think I've lost their thoughts. Kylie. Thank you. Thoughts. Hmm. feelings or thoughts, feelings or thought, feeling. Yeah, it's always split. I love it. So let's think about this because what I also know is that our feeling which live here, our feelings develop once we have a belief around an experience, or once we've attached a meaning to an experience. That's when we have our feelings about it. So it is thought that comes first. It's like millisecond quick, and we jump to conclusions. Or we've had a previous experience that was similar. We layer that belief or that meaning over the same experience. And then those old feelings come back. And so we get on. This merry go round of feeling a certain way around certain beliefs. And of course, our feelings are what either propel us into action or hold us back.
So it's really really important to understand that, because, as I said right here that perspective or meaning choice point is your opportunity to harness your thinking. To break some of your cycles or patterns, your choice point. And isn't it beautiful to know we have a choice. How wonderful to know that things can and will be different.
I think it's brilliant. And just this morning, on this note I had a coaching session with a young group of agents. There's 3 of them in the group, and we were talking about how difficult. Oh, if I call backs are on a Monday, and they can't get through to anybody, and they're not getting feedback, etc. So I said to Ben. I said, Okay, well, how about we get ahead of that? Then let's make some calls on a Saturday afternoon, because if buyers are out inspecting they're kind of in real estate mode, so the sooner you get to them the and it's on a weekend you've got a higher probability of them answering, and we'll talk about expectations in a tick. If we set the expectation that we'll give them a call this afternoon that raises your chance again of connecting. So why don't up for this weekend?
You schedule some time, and let's do at least one of your open homes do some callbacks on Saturday. What do you think. Instantly in that moment this model played out instantly he said to me, that doesn't work. No one wants a callback, or no one wants to speak to an agent on a Saturday afternoon. No one.
Let's just focus on that. That is a massive globe. It's called a global belief where it's everyone. Talk about absolutes. Nobody ever in the history of the world or the universe wants to speak to an agent on a Saturday afternoon, and I have to go. Hmm! I'm not sure about that.
So I've asked Ben to challenge his own beliefs on this, because this is what happens. We can think of some strategies. If something's not working, what's another thing? We can try, test, and measure right? We think of some strategies, but then our beliefs come up and it stops us.
So I said to Ben, this is where you need to challenge your own beliefs. Here, Ben, and let's make a commitment here of what you want to do on Saturday, and he committed that. He's absolutely going to set some expectations with buyers. They're leaving the open homes. I'll see if I can give you a call this afternoon to see if I can help you, and so I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when I catch up with him next week and to see what actually really went down at the open home.
I mean, if we're talking about actual truth here, I can't wait to find out the actual truth like secretly, I kind of know, because I used to make some Saturday afternoon calls. However, things change as we've discussed. So that's going to be really interesting to find that out. And then I mentioned that piece around expectations which, of course, is our 3rd thinking pattern here. So our 3rd thinking pattern is the expectation game.
Now I've come to understand that most of the misunderstandings in the world in your day to day life in any conflict situations or you know, disappointments, from a gap in expectations, and I truly believe that expectations are the answer to the game of life. I really believe this.
I've seen it in action, and I'm just curious, right if I was to ask you right now, let's say we work together and get ready to type, because I do want a couple of answers here. But this isn't gonna work. So help me out here, James. The last question I'm probably gonna ask you, but if I if we work together and let's say you let's say I was the lead agent, and you were my associate agent and I said to you, Hey, I've got to get the report to, I'll pretend it's Dan, because I did end up signing to Dan and Amanda. That was his wife, tomorrow. Can you get that progress? Report to me 1st thing.
Let's say I asked that of you, and you get that progress. Report to me 1st thing tomorrow. Dive into the chat right now. Super quick instinct. What time do you believe you need to do that by 1st thing tomorrow? What time would you be thinking? You've got to get that to me?
So I've got a 9 am. Thank you, Sarah. Have a 10 am. Is that another? There? I can only see the fa I've got another 9 Am. At 9 am. From Jason, this afternoon. I love that. Is that Kirsty Kirsten. Again, I can only say that. Let me widen this. I can see your full names actually, Kirsty. Thank you. Samantha, thanks, Samantha this afternoon.
Okay, so look at that right? What a what a simple little example of how expectations are the issue here! Because for me, 1st thing for me is by like 8 30. That's my expectation. So without me being specific here and you being my offsider, I mean Kirsty, be ahead of the game right? Because you're getting it to me this afternoon. So I love that round of applause. Amazing! But let's say you're really busy this afternoon, and you have to do it in the morning. I'm curious to know what time you would then feel that needed to be. I've already shared with you my expectation, of course, but I'm wondering about that. So if you work with me and I have this expectation, and then, all of a sudden, the report doesn't come to me. And I'm bringing up this because I went through this as I grew my sales team and I moved into more of a leadership role, and I had to rely on others, and I needed to get the best out of others.
I was missing the clarity around expectations and look at that we all have a different view. So talk about perspective, meaning beliefs, expectations, and the clarity can absolutely be king, because expectations really, when we look at what they are simply a set of standards, or demands right, or predictions of what is going to happen, or how you think things will be, or what the case will be. And like. I've heard this from a lot of lead agents that I work with, or principals and they say this. Well, you know I would expect that they would know that they have to, you know. Get the pointer boards out by x time the minute I hear the word I would expect. I know that something's missing and equally I know that something is present, and what is present is this, we've got the situation around expectations where we have conscious expectations which is what's spoken, IE.
1st thing tomorrow. That's the conscious spoken expectation. The unconscious expectation that's not spoken. And in that little example we just did when I I'm I'm thinking, 8 30, you guys thinking 9 10 is the gap, a gap exists.
But we can take this concept. It's not just about working with with people. This is about what your clients might expect from you. This is about you know you following through. This is also another way to avoid procrastination is to set the expectations, and I want to go back to that conversation I had with Ben this morning in the coaching session.
and he's going to try this out on Saturday. The idea is to let the buyers know and just for distinction. It's not every single buyer. It's the ones that you identify on the way in or through the conversation at the open home are active doing something. They're the ones you really need to get to as quick as quickly as possible. So I said to them, set the expectation with them on their way out. Say, hey, Caroline, thanks for coming through. Tell you what I might give you a call this afternoon. Just see how I can help you with your property search. Set that up, and even better get specific. I'm going to write this up on the on my flip chart. I've got it here, and I haven't used it at all, but specific when the specifics are missing, problems arise. So even get specific for them, I said. Even let them know it'll be around 4 o'clock.
So by doing that if they're not available at 4 they might go. Oh, actually, can you call me at 5, I mean Hallelujah! Now we're actually increasing our odds of success. The expectation piece is huge, not only for it to be successful interaction but equally important for Ben to follow through.
And this is one thing that I know is that when this gap exists here and things are vague rather than specific. Then it's so easy to procrastinate and avoid doing something. So if Ben said to a buyer. I'll give you a call this afternoon around 4, and that guy says, Oh, could you call me around 5? And he makes a note, either in his, you know, piece of home Pass, or whatever he's using, or good old pen and paper is amazing for this. Go, old school. Then he's more likely to follow through.
So if you want to get the best out of yourself. This thinking pattern of the expectation game is huge. If you want to deliver more, if you want to succeed, push through when you don't feel like it.
Back to our hierarchy about comes the feeling I do or don't feel like it. How about we start getting very specific on the expectations. So it's not just on a follow up where you say, oh, I'll check in with you. Yeah, you know, in in a month. Be specific about a date and time, and imagine, when you give your word to somebody about a date and time how more likely you are to follow through. And that reminder pops up. This is an absolute hack to help you stop procrastinating or avoiding as well.
And if you're wondering on how to get specific, that things don't remain vague. I'm going to share 3 words that are really, really important. You know, when I said earlier, I get curious about what's going on for people. The 3 words that will help you the most are, how wants? And when? When would you like that? By Caroline?
If you're my associate, you might ask me, when would you like that? By? So if I don't give the specifics and expectations, let's take control and ask or you know, what would that look like for you? What would that mean for you? What would work best for you? X or y? You know. How? How can I make this easy for you. You know. How how would it work if I got this to you by X using? These words are going to open up the conversation, so that if what you suggest doesn't suit the other party, you're allowing them the opportunity to tell you what will work. And when we close that gap and we get specific. And it's not vague.
As I say, we're more in alignment, more in tune with each other. The connectedness is is much closer, and before you know it, you're talking the same language, and you're seeking success.
So let's have a little look at where we've landed now. So the 3 thinking patterns. How are we going? Great? We've got a few minutes left. So 3 thinking patterns from today - assumptive thinking and how to abolish that with those strategies. We've looked at the belief structures and the hierarchy of outcomes, and how that's playing out in your life. And then, finally, this final little piece which you know is is really easy to implement is all about closing that expectation gap. So less conflict, less disappointment, more winning outcomes are likely to happen.
Now I'm just wondering if we've got any questions. Got a couple of minutes left. I like to leave a couple of minutes at the end, in case there's questions about anything that I'll share with you today. Jump into the chat for me, and let me know if there's anything that's on your mind and what this has meant for you.
And let me ask you that question. Now that we've uncovered these 3 thinking patterns? Are any of these playing out for you at the moment that you are actually consciously aware of what's happening for you, what came up for you? What are you going to take from these thinking patterns. And now, understanding the impact, they have great Samantha awesome. So you've taken some great notes to implement. Oh, my God, you're using one of my absolute favorite words.
Implement, implementation is key. And even if it's just one strategy. Samantha, that you do implement and take action on. I absolutely know that is going to make a difference. It can't not make a difference for you, so I love that. So if we don't have any other questions, I thought I might just share with you before we wrap up just another little insight that can be very, very powerful. And this is understanding our emotional timeline.
I don't know if any of you heard of this the emotional timeline. But there's a bit of an emotional timeline that we all play out, and this is a little bit similar to the 3 truths. So I thought I'd just throw this in at the end, which is you've got a choice every day on how you want to be? Where in your emotional timeline do you choose to live? Do you choose to live in today? Meaning you're not looking behind you at what hasn't worked, or hasn't gone wrong as a way of comparing yourself to others and using it unresourcefully. I mean, we can look to the past resourcefully, of course, as a way to gain some feedback, to make change.
But mostly I find people look to the past, which is these belief structures that are running, and it didn't work then, so it won't work. Now, are you looking to the past, or are you even looking into the future which can equally be emotionally damaging when you look to the what ifs. What might be? What could be? Instead? If you choose to live in your emotional timeline in today, every single day and almost have this little mantra. It's like a hashtag. Just do today. And you implement these strategies. What you will find is extraordinary breakthrough, incredible growth. And from that is going to come much greater achievements. You will end up with that fulfillment that we spoke about at the beginning. Stay in today. Focus on what you can control. Run these thinking patterns, interrupt them, and let's see what is truly possible.
And if you are keen, if you haven't already subscribed. I do free coaching on the go tips, so go ahead to beingbold.com.au and just subscribe, and I don't bombard you, but I'll send a couple of tips each each month, and hopefully that will help you as well in your journey to achieving your great success, whatever that might look like. So thank you for joining me, and I'll just see. I think there's a little question down here. I'll stop sharing.
Have I got here? Where did that go? Oh, a little. Thank you. No worries. Thank you so much. That's brilliant. Thank you so much. Everybody. It's been great to be here today.
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