Four steps to see if your colleague is OK?

Even when we have the best intentions, it’s easy to say the wrong thing. Here’s how to overcome that challenge.

As a leader in real estate, one of the biggest challenges you’ll face is knowing what to say to a colleague who seems to have lost their way, and how to say it in the right way. Perhaps there is no greater test of your communication skills than asking a colleague how they’re feeling when you suspect the answer could unveil a myriad of complex emotions and frustrations. Even with the best intentions, a poorly-worded question might be seen to be intrusive or received with some hostility. When that’s a concern, many managers will choose the path of least resistance. But that’s not leadership. And it doesn’t have to be that way. The “R U OK?” movement has won global recognition for showing us it’s not only acceptable but essential to ask after the wellbeing of a colleague and friend.

From our friends at R U OK?, here are four steps for a conversation:

STEP 1

Pick your moment to start a conversation. You should do it when you are relaxed. You should not be harbouring emotions such as disappointment or anger at your colleague. And make your approach in a comfortable environment, not a cubicle where everyone can hear you.Try these conversation starters: How are you? Are you okay? How are you travelling these days? Or slightly more ambitiously, “You don’t seem to be your usual self lately – do you want to talk about it?” Note this last option includes a judgement about their behaviour, so be sure of your relationship if you take that approach.

STEP 2

Listening is essential. Now, this seems obvious given you have asked the question. But some managers can get caught up in their own thoughts about how the conversation should be. Don’t fall into this trap. Be sure to actively listen and remain open minded to whatever you are told. Don’t rush or interrupt them, and don’t try to solve their problems right away. Instead, encourage them to explain how they’re feeling. Show you’ve listened by repeating back what you’ve heard. Some helpful phrases include: “Take your time”. “Tell me more about. . .”. “I’m here to listen if you want to talk more”.

STEP 3

There may be a moment when you could encourage action, which is different from offering advice or a solution. Ask questions to help them think about what might be helpful.You could ask, “What do you think is a first step that might help you?” Or, “Have you spoken to your doctor?” You can also offer your own assistance by asking, “How can I support you?”

STEP 4

One conversation is unlikely to be sufficient for any leader who truly cares about the wellbeing of their colleagues. So, make time to check-in after a day or two.

You could say: “I just wanted to see how you’re doing?”. Or, “Have things improved for you since our last chat?”

By initiating a follow-up conversation, you will demonstrate to your colleague your ongoing support and care for their wellbeing.